Click to pre-order on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/secretions/id1035489881

Secretions

Released September 10th, 2015 by our label, No One Buys Records
    • 1
    • Overture
    • 1:48
    • 2
    • Garfunkel and Oates Time
    • 00:43
    • Here we go
      Here’s the show
      The world is waiting out your backdoor
      So grab your map, it’s time to explore
      Through parks and ponds and caves and canyons
      See it all with your trusty companions
      Riki! Kate!
      From the highest mountains to longest streams
      Time to be brave and follow our dreams
      What awaits us, nobody knows
      We’ll go whatever way the wind blows
      We’ll have fun no matter we’re at
      We’ll have fun no matter we’re at
      It’s Garfunkel and Oates time
      With Garfunkel and Oates
    • 3
    • Self Esteem
    • 2:47




    • VERSE 1:






      You text at three in the morning
      And you misspell my name
      You’ve slept with half my friends on Facebook
      And most of them think you are lame

      You say that with me it’s different
      And you’re not that big of a dick
      And if you disappear it’s cause you’re busy
      Not cause you’re with some other chick

      I know that this might be uncooth
      But I’ve decided to tell you the truth

      CHORUS 1:

      My self esteem’s not low enough to date you
      It’s close, but not quite there
      Give me time to get a little more desperate
      And you and I can make an awesome pair

      A totally awesome pair

      VERSE 2:

      I seem like your perfect target
      Like I’ve been lonely for too long
      You think I haven’t had sex in forever
      And I’ll admit that you’re not wrong

      But I would rather have no one
      Than this crap let me reaffirm
      I wouldn’t touch your dick if I’d been poisoned
      And the antedote was in your sperm

      I know that this might be uncooth
      But I’ve decided to tell you the truth

      CHORUS 2:

      My self esteem’s not low enough to date you






      SELF ESTEEM








      It’s close, but not quite there
      Give me time to get a little more rejected
      And you and I can make an awesome pair
      A totally awesome pair

      BRIDGE:

      Thanks for not even pretending to respect me
      Or slightly acknowledging how mean this is
      Cause what’s easy to find is a loving relationship
      What’s hard for a girl like me to find is penises

      Especially when I’m on the road
      Or anywhere, really
      Cause I’m a girl, hello
      That’s kind of how it goes

      Love is illusive and impossible
      But dicks are available everywhere
      So sorry if I don’t feel super lucky
      To get a penis likes yours attached to a man who can’t even pretend to care

      Maybe if something goes horribly awry
      And I think I'll never find a better guy
      But for now
      For now

      CHORUS 3:

      My self esteem’s not low enough to date you
      It’s close, but not quite there
      Give me time to get a little more wasted
      And you and I can make an awesome pair

      A totally awesome pair



    • 4
    • 29/31
    • 2:41
    • KATE: For the first time in my life I see it clearly/ I’ve realized the power of being a woman/ 29 years old and time's on my side/I’m in my prime/I’ve hit my stride/ I’ve got so much charisma and so many options/It's nice to always have my pick

      RIKI: THERE’S NOBODY LEFT/I’M ALL ALONE

      KATE: I’m at the top of my game/Possibilities are endless/And I just feel really pretty/I'm holding out for someone who meets my standards/Won’t settle for anything less than perfect/I know what I want/ And I can have it/I’m surrounded by love and peace

      RIKI: THERE’S NOBODY LEFT/I’M ALL ALONE/Why did I wait/ What's wrong with me/In two short years I’m gonna be 33/ Who the hell will want me then/ My ovaries are shrinking/ I’m disgusting and everyone feels bad for me/ And I never get invited to dinner parties anymore

      KATE: Things unfold when they are supposed to cause everything happens for a reason/It'll happen for me when I'm not even looking/ He'll just appear and I'll just know/And he'll love me forever without any work/ Who needs to try when things are meant to be

      KATE: (simultaneous) La la la la la la la la la la la

      RIKI: (simultaneous) THERE’S NOBODY LEFT/I’M ALL ALONE Oh, what, you think biological reality doesn't apply to you in your adorable cocoon of agelessness/Well it does/And while you're just waiting around and focusing on you guess what /You're gonna miss your window

      KATE: Everything happens for a reason/You know I truly believe that

      RIKI: Yeah you said that before

      KATE: Oh my god it does, everything happens for a reason

      RIKI: What about the Haitian earthquake/Or cellulite on skinny women

      KATE: Just say, “Hey Universe, I’m ready!” It’ll happen when you least expect it

      RIKI: Well now I don’t expect it at all now so I guess it’s right around the corner

      KATE: Maybe you’re putting out the wrong vibe/Maybe you’re closed off to love/ Let me tell you a secret it’s called The Secret

      RIKI: Here’s another secret you’re an asshole

      KATE: Your negativity is a self-fulfilling prophecy/The reason things go well for me is cause of positivity

      RIKI: Well I'm positive fertility always begins to atrophy when infantile fantasy eclipses true reality

      KATE: It never once occurred to me that things won't work out perfectly/When god closes a door you see he opens a window

      RIKI: You realize that's a smaller opening right/You used to be able to just walk out the door and now you have to climb out of some
      slightly ajar window somewhere possibly falling like 8 stories to your death/That is not an upgrade/And you know what else

      RIKI: (simultaneous) THERE’S NOBODY LEFT/I’M ALL ALONE/YOU’RE SO STUPID/I HATE YOU SO MUCH/AAAAAHHHHH

      KATE: (simultaneous) You can’t love someone else til you love yoursel/You can’t love someone else til you love yourself/You can’t love someone else til you love yourself/ Cause life is

      KATE/RIKI: good/over
    • 5
    • Sports Go Sports
    • 2:42
    • VERSE 1:

      Sports go sports
      I promise I really totally care who wins
      If there’s a net or a hoop or hole in the ground
      I hope they get it in
      If they want to go to all the bases
      I hope they do
      If they’re supposed to run past a line or whatever
      I hope they do that too
      Sports go sports

      VERSE 2:

      May they top their opponents numerically in the allotted time
      Lest they disenfranchise their audience
      And see their revenues decline
      May the partakers be sturdy and rapid
      In the spirited energies they exert
      May they be victorious in perpetuity
      Don’t I look cute in this football shirt

      CHORUS 1:

      Sports go sports
      Athletics are number one
      Participants are heroes
      Go team yeah

      VERSE 3:

      This is the most important thing that’s ever occurred
      The vicarious fulfillment of your dream that got deferred
      You had aspirations as a kid but you didn’t have the skill
      So you watch genetically superior people
      Do the things you never will
      Sports go sports

      VERSE 4:

      May the competitors you prefer best their opposing equivalents
      So you can somehow feel connected to the feat of your self-appointed constituents
      May the hours you spend watching post-match pontificators
      Amplify the thrill of being a witness
      And better your predictive aptitude
      For your squad’s future physical fitness

      CHORUS 2:

      Sports go sports
      Athletics are number one
      Participants are heroes
      Go team yeah

      BRIDGE:

      Watching able-bodied millionaires play with each other
      Watching less agile millionaires talk about it on TV
      May they compile copious points
      So they are rewarded and meritorious
      So you can feel temporarily adjacently victorious

      CHORUS 4:

      Sports go sports
      Athletics are number one
      Participants are heroes
      Go team yeah

      OUTRO:

      Every other word
      Sports sports are one
      Are go yeah

      Every other other word
      Go athletics number
      Participants heroes team

      Now in Latin
      Ludis ire ludis
      Arcu sunt optimum
      Participants sunt heroes
      Ire quadrigus sic

      Now the truth
      If you could only throw a ball
      You’d have a hotter wife
      Lots and lots of money
      And a way better life
      And a way better life
      Go sports
    • 6
    • The Loophole
    • 4:38
    • INTRO:

      All my life, I've been good
      Do what my mom and dad and god say I should
      Go to church
      And bible school
      To live by God's rule
      So whatever people tell me, that the Bible tells me
      I will do

      VERSE 1:

      Walk the halls of high school with my purity ring
      Unlike those other girls I got my morals in check
      It was easy to do til I got a boyfriend
      And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck
      I made a pact to keep my hymen in tact and Jesus and I are tight

      Never learned about the birds and bees
      I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees
      Cause the Bible says premarital sex is wrong
      But Jason says that guys can't wait that long
      I don't wanna lose him
      To someone who'll do him
      I need to figure something out

      Well there’s a loophole in the scripture that works really well
      So I can get him off without going to hell
      It’s my Hail Mary full of grace
      In Jesus’ name we go to fifth base

      Oh thank you for making me holy
      And thank you for giving me holes to choose from
      And since I’m not a godless whore
      He’ll have to come in the backdoor
      Therefore

      CHORUS 1:

      Fuck me in the ass cause I love Jesus
      The good lord would want it that way
      Give me that sweet sensation of a rock hard rationalization
      It's just between you and me
      Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see

      VERSE 2:

      It’s hard to be as pure as me
      To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity
      To wait until my marriage bed
      To give my husband my unsullied maidenhead

      So take your cock out
      Shove it in my ass
      Fuck me until you come
      Oops I mean
      Let’s join our souls
      And unite our bodies
      And fly with the wings of God

      Whatever you do, don't touch my clitoris
      If you ring Satan's doorbell God can't ignore this
      And no prophylactics when you put it in
      Cause birth control's for sluts and it's a sin
      I've emptied my bowels
      And laid out the towels
      I'm ready for romance

      Now I'm praying to the power that’s the highest
      But of all my holes this one’s the driest
      But we can't procreate if we anally copulate
      And God's okay with sodomy but only if you're straight

      And I'm staying pure no matter what
      So I'm okay with everything butt
      Everything butt
      Everything butt
      Woah-ooh

      CHORUS 2:

      Fuck me in the ass cause I love Jesus
      The good lord would want it that way
      Give me that sweet sensation of a rock hard rationalization
      It's just between you and me
      Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see

      BRIDGE:

      I do whatever the Bible tells me to
      Except the parts that I choose to ignore
      Cause they're unrealistic and inconvenient
      But the rest I live by for sure

      So let's not talk about how the good book
      Bans shellfish, polyester and divorce
      And how it condones slavery and killing gays
      Cause those parts don't count, of course

      Let's cherry pick the part about losing my cherry
      And mine it for ambiguities and omissions
      To circumvent any real sacrifice
      But still feel pious with my arbitrary, parroted positions

      But don't you dare questions my convictions
      And don't look closely at the contradictions
      Just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion
      And have faith in its complete jurisdiction

      As the only way to measure if you're good or not
      And in a debate, just say to have faith, cause when up against logic it's the only card you've got
      So close your eyes, take a deep breath and

      CHORUS 3:

      Fuck me in the ass cause I love Jesus
      The good lord would want it that way
      Give me that sweet sensation of an irrational rationalization
      It's just between you and me
      Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see
      Yeah my chastity belt has locks
      But sometimes you need to think outside the box
    • 7
    • Fadeaway
    • 2:59
    • VERSE 1:

      We've been on a bunch of dates
      I weigh debates that this creates
      And hate that state of forced introspection

      We traded wit
      We swapped some spit
      You fingered me a little bit
      But we never really had a connection

      You did nothing wrong
      I have no excuse
      Just my intuition telling me we shouldn't reproduce

      I know I have to end it
      But pretend to just suspend it
      By contending that I'm busy all week

      I let the foregon linger on
      Text back with an emoticon
      Withdraw from you by being oblique

      Inside I know my tactics just delay it
      But I'll do anything so I don't have to say it

      I’ll draw this out forever like Vietnam
      And one day I’ll be gone like Bambi’s mom
      Awww

      CHORUS 1:

      Cause there's the right thing to do
      Then there's what I'm gonna do
      There's much I should say
      But instead, I do the fadeaway
      Fadeaway

      POST-CHORUS 1:

      Now I’m a fading like chalk on a sidewalk
      Or the polio virus after Jonas Salk
      A Jewish guy in Sizzler on Yom Kippur
      The Whig Party post Millard Fillmore

      The erection of a man on antidepressants
      The Diff’rent Strokes cast after adolescence
      Reproductive rights below the Mason-Dixon
      Native Americans after the barter system
      Your thyroid gland after Hashimoto
      The family in the Back to the Future photo
      Yeah I fadeaway

      VERSE 2:

      We say that men are assholes who don't communicate
      We revel in our victimhood and amplify our hate
      We find ways to be indignant like it's a sport
      Then dissect their malignanace with the views we distort

      The way men breakup may be sloppy and terse
      What they do is bad
      But what we do is worse

      We pretend to ourselves it’s the nice thing to do
      To let you down gently by just not fucking telling you
      And deep down we know it’s the worst way to play it
      But we are what we have... huge pussies

      And women are hypocrites
      Especially ones in comedy bands
      We see your faults but not our own
      Then we wonder why we’re all alone
      We fill you up with maybes, excuses and stalls
      But like a baby in China
      It’s better to have balls

      Not the Good Wife type like Christine Baranski:
      So I’ll pull out and leave
      Like I’m Roman Polanski
      Awww

      CHORUS 2:

      Cause there's the right thing to do
      Then there's what I'm gonna do
      There's much I should say
      But instead, I do the fadeaway
      Fadeaway

      POST CHORUS 2:

      Like Verbal Kint fading into Keyser Soze
      The rights in Arizona for a guy named Jose
      Opportunities for a college grad
      The love between your mom and dad

      Gonna Peter out like gay Cetera
      Iranian relations since the Regan era
      Black Nike sales after Heaven’s Gate
      Summer camp attendance at Penn State

      The name Adolph after World War II
      Like Debbie Gibson’s pop career out of the blue
      Yeah I fadeaway

      Cause I don’t wanna get to know you
      I just want to blow you
      Off
    • 8
    • Such a Loser
    • 2:50
    • VERSE 1:

      You didn’t do it, didn’t reach your goal
      Your heart is broken, you’re an asshole
      In the end you didn’t have what it takes
      So here’s to you and your huge mistakes

      You’re humiliated, hollowed out and exhausted
      You were in the ring fighting the fight and you lost it
      This isn’t your time, this wasn’t for you
      At least you did everything you could do

      You’re a loser but a dreamer
      You’re tired but you’re strong
      You’re going on no evidence
      You don’t listen to common sense
      You went all in and you were wrong

      CHORUS 1:

      You are such a loser, good for you
      That’s something a lot of people can’t do
      Trying is hard, that’s why people don’t do it
      Losing is hard, they can’t make it through it
      But not you, you are such a loser
      You are such a loser
      Here’s to you, cause you deserve a cheering a section too

      VERSE 2:

      Throw your heart at it, so what if you break it
      You know now that you’re strong enough to take it
      Don’t let it break you don’t let ‘em you break you
      Fake it, keep going until you have a breakthrough

      Icarus is bullshit that’s why it’s called mythology
      People can’t stand genius without an apology
      Fuck that, fuck them, go get what you want to get
      Let them stay home and comment on the internet

      You’re a loser but a dreamer
      You’re tired but you’re strong
      You’re going on no evidence
      You don’t listen to common sense
      You went all in and you were wrong

      CHORUS 2:

      You are such a loser, good for you
      That’s something a lot of people can’t do
      Trying is hard, that’s why people don’t do it
      Losing is hard, they can’t make it through it
      But not you, you are such a loser
      You are such a loser
      Here’s to you, cause you deserve a cheering a section too

      BRIDGE:

      You can only fall that far cause you set yourself up so high
      Who really cares that this time it didn't fly
      At least you try, at least you tried
      At least you’re not that guy watching from the side
      Who thinks he’s doing better cause he wasn’t defeated
      When he’s just a nonentity who never competed
      You’re the one who’s out there reaching for something greater
      And you know it’s better to be a loser than a spectator
      And you are such a loser
      You are such a loser
      So here’s to you
    • 9
    • Frozen Lullaby
    • 3:18
    • VERSE 1:


      When a man doesn’t love a woman very very much
      He signs away his paternal rights and jizzes in a cup
      Then with lots of money and scientific genius
      Hormones, pain and of course, um... Jesus

      The process begins the way god intended
      With a transvaginal ultrasound
      With a wand longer than a ukulele
      When it comes out of my body, it makes this sound (pop)

      I give myself daily intradermal injections
      An acute blood thinner and estrogen concurrence
      Cryopreservation through hormonal activation
      And none of it’s covered by insurance

      Then I’m knocked out and you’re removed
      And combined with a stranger’s come
      And as the saying goes
      You win some, you lose some/you dispose of the defective ones in a hazardous waste bin

      And then you’re frozen until I’m certain
      It’s time to unthaw you into a person
      Then you’ll expire or you’ll make the grade
      And that, my darling, that’s how babies are made
      (It’s so easy and natural)

      CHORUS 1:

      Hush little egg baby don’t say a word
      Mama’s gonna freeze you til she gets rich
      And when that day finally arrives
      You’ll be constructed in a petri dish
      With sperm donor 8w6-3
      The silent partner of our family
      So hush little egg baby don’t be sad
      Just because I never fucked your dad

      VERSE 2:

      I know there are orphans everywhere
      But I’m going to pretend that isn’t real
      Don’t look at me like that just cause I admit it
      You had kids and you knew the deal

      Yeah I feel guilty about overpopulation
      And ruining the environment for forever
      But Osama Bin Laden had 20 kids
      So fuck you or whatever

      Sadly procreation is not a meritocracy
      And we need to prevent a real life Idiocracy
      Though it may be the ultimate form of narcissism
      It’s also a way to re-reverse reverse Darwinism

      I want all the stuff I don’t need a bucket list
      It doesn’t make me greedy it just makes me feminist
      Now I’m thinking back through all the guys I’ve dated
      If they heard this song they’d fucking hate it

      CHORUS 2:

      Hush little egg baby don’t you cry
      You’ll have the best genes mommy can buy

      I don’t want to wait until I get in dire straights
      My friends say if I want kids I should go out on some dates
      But these working bitches don’t have time to leave it to the fates
      The world deserves more Riki’s and the world deserves more Kate’s

      So hush little egg baby dads are overrated
      He did what mattered when he masturbated

      BRIDGE:

      Hush little egg baby just hold firm
      Mama’s gonna buy you designer sperm

      And if that sperm gives you random traits
      Mama’s gonna test your dna

      And if your dna doesn’t make things clear
      Mama’s gonna just have to live in fear

      And if that fear turns into guilt
      Mama’s gonna hold onto what we built

      And if I hold too tight as to suffocate
      I’ll buy you lots of things to overcompensate

      And if that overcompensation’s too transparent
      I’ll pretend it’s somehow better with no male parent

      And if you say but mom who’s my dad
      I’ll say I don’t know and it’s just too bad

      And if that badness forms a hole in your heart
      I’ll want to make it up to you but won’t know where to start

      I’ll probably start by saying it’s just you and me
      And there’s no such thing as a normal family

      So fuck being normal and let’s do this shit
      Momma’s gonna freeze you til she... gets.... rich
    • 10
    • The College Try
    • 2:57
    • VERSE 1:

      There comes a time in everyone's life
      When they choose stasis or choose to grow
      To be open new views and experiences
      And challenge what they think they know

      We don't live a in a black and white world
      And sexuality exists in the gray
      You can't define those roles so rigidly
      By saying someone's totally straight or gay

      Cause people are just people
      And love today is omnisexual
      God, I love this new side of me
      As a modern heteroflexible

      So with the help of a lot of booze
      I find a girl and we make out
      And it feels the same as kissing a guy
      So I don't get what the fuss is about

      We keep hooking up and it feels so good
      And with my new broad outlook firmly in place
      I've come so far, it feels so right
      There's a vagina in my face and I'm all

      Ew Ew Yuck Yuck, etc.

      VERSE 2:

      Holy shit I didn't expect that,
      Didn’t know I'd react that way
      I was repelled like negatively charged ions in a magnetic field or like I got pricked by a thorn
      I'm Cinderella and it's midnight and my coach turned into a woman
      I haven't been that close to a vagina since I was born

      I thought I understood what was down there
      But it's just so human when you see it up close
      It's a messy visible secreting organ
      Real woman genitals are kinda gross

      I thought it would be smooth and nonthreatening
      Or nonexistent like Barbie's
      Instead it looks like a half eaten beef and cheddar
      In the garbage can at Arby's

      It's wrinkly and flappy and uneven and messy
      And kind of pink but also kind of brown
      With a super aggressive tongue-like hole
      And a hoody triangle protruding skin mound

      It's like a weather-beaten deflated football
      Or a decomposing, bloody pear
      Or a toothless mouth with gum rot and yeast
      That's salivating and covered in hair

      I knew it smelled weird but this is extreme
      Like old French dressing in a salad bar
      Or expired banana Activia
      Or a dead rotting turtle you left in your car

      It reminds me of the smell of my grandma's house
      Or a guinea pig with bacterial disease
      Wafting from a jar of formaldehyde
      Or fresh spaghetti-O’s and warm blue cheese

      I'm sorry I can't believe I said that
      That was insensitive and immature
      I swear I'm not homophobic or anti-woman
      Just caught off guard for sure

      The female anatomy is divine and perfect
      And should be eternally celebrated
      And revered for it's role as beautiful vessel
      Wherein all life is created
      And when I think about it I’m all-

      EW EW Yuck Yuck, etc.

      VERSE 3:

      I’m sorry for the confusion ma'am
      I guess I'm not that evolved
      And my illusions of bisexuality
      Just instantly dissolved

      I mourn the cool new life I'd envisioned
      Where love renders gender preference obsolete
      Cause when I looked a vagina in the eye
      I made a hasty ungraceful retreat

      So my sad but definite conclusion is
      That my mouth is for food and penises only
      But I'm happy so many people like it down there
      Otherwise I'd be really lonely
      And I can’t believe I have one of those
      Ew
    • 11
    • What Song is Next?
    • :02
    • 12
    • Happy Birthday to My Loose Acquaintance
    • 1:11
    • VERSE 1:

      Facebook told me it's your birthday
      I wouldn't have known any other way
      Cause we co-exist in a mutually unstated
      Unattached cohesion that Facebook created

      So I got ten seconds and they're just for you
      To write on your wall like good people do
      To keep our weak social tie with minimal maintenance
      Happy Birthday to my loose acquaintance

      VERSE 2:

      Look through my photo album, you're not in it
      If I saw you on the street, it would take me a minute
      But I'm such a thoughtful person and I totally care
      That’s why there are three exclamation points there

      Colon parenthesis to be more compelling
      All caps so it's just like I'm yelling
      From the top of my heart, just to keep status quo
      Happy Birthday, dear person, who I sorta know

      VERSE 3:

      We both know you're not my real friend
      You're a by-product of a social networking trend
      But you feel just as indifferently about me
      So there's no guilt in our apathetic reciprocity

      So if we don't talk much or at all this year
      Remember I sent you this afterthought cheer
      To keep our minor affinity with minimal maintenance
      Happy Birthday to my loose acquaintance
    • 13
    • The BJ Song
    • 2:51
    • VERSE 1:

      I’ve been down here such a long, long time
      My neck is at a weird angle and I don’t love the view
      I’ve been working hard here not sure what else to do

      Maybe I’ll try eye contact...
      Nope no eye contact I feel like a creep
      Maybe it will be over soon and I can go to (cough)
      Oooh I just chagged, I hate chagging- (cough) I did it again

      Who was the first woman to put a dick in her mouth
      So avante garde, what a pioneer
      God, we don’t know anything about the history of women

      If a hipster comes on someone’s face
      Does he make it in a figure 8 like little come glasses
      Pearl vision

      CHORUS 1:

      I wanna make you feel good
      And stopping now would kinda feel wrong
      I wanna make you feel good
      But only if it doesn’t take too long

      VERSE 2:

      What should I do, my mouth is so dry
      Is it considered lubricant if I start to cry
      If my dad saw me now I would feel so bad
      Oh my god stop thinking about my dad

      The length of time down here I’m willing to do
      Is directly proportional to how much I like you
      I feel like you should know that and hurry up
      Cause guess what, I don’t like that you that much
      Or maybe I do, who are you

      I’m 36 years old and I forgot who I’m blowing
      I can’t be down any longer with not knowing
      You’ve got one of those dicks I can’t seem to place
      I’ll pretend to take a deep breath and look up at your face
      (Deep breath) Oh it’s Derek

      CHORUS 2:

      I wanna make you feel good
      And stopping now would kinda feel wrong
      I wanna make you feel good
      But only if it doesn’t take too long

      VERSE 3:

      What’s that sound, (gasp) it’s silence
      I feel like I haven’t heard silence in such a long time
      Is this the first time I’ve stopped talking in like two years
      Am I talking to fill the void of the great big empty
      Am I always like (blah blah blah) so I don’t have to face my fears

      Do I really need a dick in my mouth stop talking?
      Don’t I ever shut the fuck up?
      God, I’m so sick of myself
      I need to talk to my therapist about why I talk so much
      Am I scared of silence-

      Yes he’s coming
      Woah he’s coming
    • 14
    • Sad Montage
    • 1:31
    • Sad montage, sad montage
      It’s a really sad montage
      Because I feel so sad

      Looking out the window feeling sad
      Looking in the mirror, what have I become?
      Ooh ooh

      Walking down the street still feeling sad
      Look at all those other people having fun
      Ohh Oooh

      In this, sad montage, sad montage,
      This is still a sad montage
      Because I feel so sad

      Dead puppies
      Sad kid dropped his iPhone
      Jerry Orbach
      Making me feel so sad

      I feel even sadder than I did before
      Sadder than I was when this montage started
      Ooh ooh

      Native American History
      Other people finding true love
      Wishing I could write a show like Girls
      Making me feel so sad

      Sad montage, getting quieter
      Sad montage
      Fading out the sad montage
      Can barely hear the...
    • 15
    • You Go First
    • 2:29
    • VERSE 1:
      We are partners, we are a team
      Together we’ll have everything we dream
      If we combine our efforts there’s nothing we can’t do
      You’ll support me, but first I’ll support you

      For now we’ll go after the things that you need
      A single objective to help you succeed
      Because I’m as important to you as you are to me
      I’ll get what I need eventually

      CHORUS 1:

      But you go first
      And I’ll take the rest
      And it will all work out for the best

      VERSE 2:

      I have patience because I understand you
      And can wait to do all of the things that I planned to
      But what is that elusive thing you’ll earn
      That makes you finally realize it’s my turn

      Am I fooling myself that we’re really united
      The love is there but the respect unrequited
      I am your anchor, do I just hold you in place
      The eye of your storm, am I just empty space

      CHORUS 2:

      But you go first
      And I’ll take the rest
      And it will all work out for the best

      BRIDGE:
      You know an object at rest stays at rest
      You can’t have inertia with things unexpressed
      By the time I knew politeness
      Was the opposite of brilliance

      I’d spent my resources
      And lost my resilience
      Without me you pick up where you left off
      Without you I’m back where I started

      CHORUS 1:

      But you go first
      And I’ll take the rest
      And it will all work out for the best

      VERSE 3:
      I know you didn’t consciously deceive
      And neither did I when I chose to believe
      But now I am stuck in a place I can’t leave
      While I watch you achieve and achieve and achieve

      I guess maybe I knew how much you would cost
      That when I said yes that I’d already lost
      But now I’m so tired and not sure how to pursue it
      And I don’t have a partner like me to help me do it
    • 16
    • Rainbow Connections
    • 2:37
    • VERSE 1:

      Just after the storm breaks
      With the perfect amount of light
      You can catch a glimpse of magic
      If the timing is right

      Rainbows are improbable
      Beautiful and rare
      But so are you and so is this
      The love that we share

      Too vast to hold and
      Too small to name
      It’s no wonder why
      You have to stand between the rain and the sun
      To see a rainbow in the sky

      All the things that had to go right
      All the things that had to go wrong
      That led us to place where we were going all along

      CHORUS 1:

      Right now they fall away
      Right now it’s just us two
      Right now we make a promise
      If you do, then I do too

      VERSE 2:

      Don’t know how we found it
      But we did somehow
      All the moments of our lives
      Were leading up to now

      I used to feel uncertain
      But now I realize
      When I want to see my future
      I just look into your eyes

      Too vast to hold and
      Too small to name
      It’s no wonder why
      You have to stand between the rain and the sun
      To see a rainbow in the sky

      All the things that make you you
      All the things that make me me
      That led us to place where we were always meant to be

      CHORUS 2:

      Right now they fall away
      Right now it’s just us two
      Right now we make a promise
      If you do, then I do too

      BRIDGE:

      A rainbow doesn’t choose to be a rainbow, it just shines in the sky
      And there’s nothing to debate, and there’s nothing to deny
      Love might be a priveledge but marriage is a right
      So to all of you detractors who don’t know you lost the fight
      To all of you in darkness we’re here turning on the light
      Now I stand with you for the world to see
      My love my dreams and me, my love my dreams and me

      CHORUS 3:

      Right now they fall away
      Right now it’s just us two
      Right now we make a promise
      If you do, then I do too
    • 17
    • I Get To Do It With You
    • 2:21
    • INTRO:
      How many words would it take to really say
      How much you’ve changed my life in every single way
      You make the good stuff better and the bad stuff too yeah
      My life is better cause I get to do it with you

      VERSE 1:

      If we’re eating dinner, I’ll chew it with you
      If we’re in line in England, I’ll queue it with you
      If we’re watching Green Card, I’ll Depardieu it with you yeah
      My life is better cause I get to do it with you

      If we’ve been there before, I’ll déjà vu it with you
      If our honor’s is besmirched, I’ll Kung Fu it with you
      If we meet Droid, I’ll R2D2 it with you yeah
      My life is better cause I get to do it with you

      CHORUS 1:

      I choose you, I choose forever and I know we can make it
      I’m giving you my heart and I want you to take it yeah

      VERSE 2:

      If we learn the Art of War, I’ll Sun Tzu it with you
      If we want to dance, I’ll pax de deux it with you
      If we get betrayed by Brutus, I’ll et tu it with you
      My life is better cause I get to do it with you

      If we’re reading Shakespeare, I’ll hitherto it with you
      If we write Japanese poems, I’ll haiku it with you
      If we’re like Richard Marx I’ll be right here waiting for you yeah
      My life is better cause I get to do it with you

      CHORUS 2:

      I choose you, I choose forever and I know we can make it
      I’m giving you my heart and I want you to take it yeah

      CODA:

      Every dream I have is sweeter cause I pursue it with you
      If times get tough, I’ll pull through it with you
      And when I remember how lucky I am, I will thank you it for you
      My life is better cause I get to do it
      My life is better cause I get to do it with you
G&O_SWM_iTunes_600x600_FINAL_WEB

Slippery When Moist

Released February 7, 2012 on our label, No One Buys Records.
    • 1
    • Wow
    • :35
    • You, yeah you, you're really cool
      You can be anything you wanna be
      Time to fly, I'm talking to you
      No habla Espanola si
      Move forward, stand your ground
      Hang in there while you're doing it
      And sail away into the sunset, baby

      Dream your dreams into the sky
      Oh yeah, you've really got it yeah
      Now you've really got it, yeah
      Hey, you've really got it, yeah
      Don't stop being cool
    • 2
    • Go Kart Racing
    • 2:04
    • Get on my go kart, strap myself in
      Rev up the engine, let the fun begin
      Put my foot on the gas and I'm outta the gate
      But the faster I go, the more the metal vibrates

      My body's tingling from my head to my toes
      But the thing that's really buzzing, I hope nobody knows
      'Cause I'm feeling kinda funny in a biblical way
      God damn, it's shaking hard on my Georgia O'Keeffe bouquet

      I never guessed this trembling machine would
      Turn the motor on under my hood

      Go kart racing, accidentally masturbating
      Go kart racing, mechanical self-fornicating
      Go kart racing, no stopping 'til I cross the finish line

      Shifting gears, I can feel my heart throb
      Hope nobody notices I'm getting a lube job
      Don't need no gentleman to start my engine
      'Cause I can even feel a little rear suspension

      Trying to cover up my scandal like I'm Goldman Sachs
      But shit is getting real on this indoor track
      I'm about to go blind and I feel like a creep
      'Cause it's pressing on my horn like beep beep beep

      Now my driving is getting erratic
      'Cause this transmission is automatic

      Go kart racing, accidentally masturbating
      Go kart racing, mechanical self-fornicating
      Go kart racing, no stopping 'til I cross the finish line

      If the fruit is ripe, you might as well pluck it
      Was gonna slow down, but then I thought fuck it
      No one look at me, 'cause this is it
      Green flag, go, go, holy shit

      Go kart racing, accidentally masturbating
      Go kart racing, mechanical self-fornicating
      Go kart racing, no stopping 'til I cross the finish line
      Key change, key change

      Go kart racing, accidentally masturbating
      Go kart racing, mechanical self-fornicating
      Go kart racing, no stopping 'til I cross the finish line

      Hallelujah, Amen
    • 3
    • I Don’t Know Who You Are
    • 2:00
    • You say hello
      And I say hello back
      You say it's nice
      To see me again, crap
      This conversation just keeps going
      Wanna get through this without you knowing
      You can see it in my eyes
      My calculating bullshit lies
      You look at me so appalled
      'Cause I don't recognize you at all

      Now am I an asshole or are you just boring?
      'Cause one of these two things must be true
      Am I self-absorbed, preoccupied and shockingly cunty
      Or is there just nothing memorable about you?

      Well even if I'm arrogant and totally suck
      I'm still betting on the latter 'cause you're bland as fuck

      I don't know who you are
      I don't have a freaking clue
      So get a catch phrase, get an accent
      Fuck your face up with a tattoo
      Okay so fine, so now you know that
      I don't know, so now you know that
      I don't know, so there you go
      You don't even look a little familiar to me
      And I blame you
      I blame you

      I'm willing to bet
      This happens to you a lot
      This can't be the first
      Blank stare that you've got
      You're a sand-filled desert without a mirage
      You're a Honda Accord in a parking garage
      You're camouflage on camouflage
      You're a dumb white guy on Entourage
      You've chosen no form of expression
      Yet expect to make an impression

      Now am I a shithead or are you just bleh?
      Hey, I think that question is pretty fair
      Now you're looking at me like I just drop-kicked a baby
      But I won't remember you anyway, so I don't care

      You're overwhelming averageness is such a drag
      So fix the situation or wear a name tag

      I don't know who you are
      Not even a little bit
      So carry nun chucks, adopt a black kid
      To make people give a shit
      Okay so fine, so now you know that
      I don't know, so there you go
      You don't even look a little familiar to me
      And I blame you
      I blame you
      I blame you
      I blame you
      And I blame you
    • 4
    • Handjob, Blandjob, I Don’t Understand Job
    • 3:27
    • Hand job, bland job, I-don't-understand job

      I got a problem and I can't contain it
      I'll use my icky-sticky rhymes to help me explain it
      Handy jays are line Stonehenge to me
      Robert Stack can't even unsolve this mystery

      I'm the messed up child of a baby boomer
      I was in the gifted class, but a total late bloomer
      Now I got a secret to get off my chest
      Went from kissing to sex but never learned the rest

      In high school, I was in the marching band
      Not learning what to do with my hand
      While other girls were dripping like a Jackson Pollock
      I blossomed later than Miyam Bialick

      I'm investigating bones like Deschanel
      Trying to make it stand up like Dave Chapelle
      When I stare down the barrel of a semi-hard dick
      I feel more singled out than Chris Hardwick

      I sutdied Back, Jacques Chirac, and Issac Asimov
      But I wasn't on the ski bus jerking people off
      Would let you touch my chest like you're Vapor Rubbin' Vicks in
      Let alone deep throat your tricky Dick Nixon

      I wanna learn how to make your Watergates flow
      I'm resigned like Spiro Agnew that I might never know
      How to H J your L.B. Johnson
      Know less about dicks than Samantha Ronson

      I should've explored new frontiers like Wil Wheaton
      But I was more conservative than Alex P. Keaton
      I've fallen into crisis just like the Dow
      I wanna give a handjob but I don't know how

      Hand job, bland job, I-don't-understand job
      Do I spit, do I squeeze, do I ever touch the top
      How can I learn when you always make me stop?

      Now I'm on a full-blown investigation
      To unlock the secrets of ejaculation
      I need a translator like I'm reading Balzac
      To crack the Rosetta Stone over your ball sack

      The top is the part that confuses me the most
      It looks like a Silly Putty Pac Man ghost
      Sometimes it's Jell-o jiggling, sometimes it's denser
      But they all like like a Darth Vader Pez dispenser

      Like Sam Jackson, I'm not as good with shaft
      When it's soft and flabby like President Taft
      It's like a deep south queen that you wanna make straight
      Will I make it upright if I move it like a Shake Weight?
      Move it like a Shake Weight, move it like a Shake Weight

      Now I'm pumping like brakes that aren't anti-lock
      Trying not to go psycho on your Alfred Hitchcock
      I go a little faster and then I retard
      It's like a hamster that you don't wanna squeeze hard

      I'm working my hand 'til it gets arthritis
      I'll be holdin' 'til I get the golden touch of Midas
      "I think. Therefore, I am," getting my Descartes on
      'Til I fully comprehend your Marcia Gay Hard-on

      But the biggest, throbbing question of all's
      Seriously, what do you do with the balls?
      Do I roll 'em like dice? Do I mold 'em like clay?
      Do I tickle 'em like Elmo or throw 'em like a partay?

      Do I move 'em all around or cup it slow?
      They're the two bald critic puppets from the Muppet show
      Just sitting there cranky and superfluous
      How 'bout I don't touch them unless you insist

      Hand job, bland job, I-don't-understand job
      Do I spit, do I squeeze, do I ever touch the top
      How can I learn when you always make me stop?

      How can I learn when you always make me stop?
    • 5
    • Save the Rich
    • 2:47
    • Everyone knows these times are really tough
      And we need to band together and say we've had enough
      All the jobless people need to learn to be content
      'Cause what we need to do is protect our one percent

      Save the rich, let them know you care
      Don't leave them to languish in their penthouse of despair
      Save the rich, let their bonuses be swollen
      And let them keep it all tax free, even if it's stolen
      Save the rich

      Let's give our job creators more than their fair share
      So they can go to Asia and create jobs over there
      There's loopholes and exemptions and children to exploit
      So give them special tax breaks, go fuck yourself, Detroit

      And those who don't create jobs really need help too
      'Cause without their seventh home, how will they make it through?
      It's not time for complaining, Not the time for class war
      It's time to sacrifice yourself to give them more and more and more and more and more and more

      Save the rich, America's built on corporate green
      It's not Wall Street's fault if you can't get what you need
      Save the rich, don't go crying to Mommy
      'Cause if you don't agree, then you're a socialist commie
      Save the rich

      Blame yourself for your problems,
      Not the bad economy
      So what if those who have the most are the
      Ones who put it in jeopardy?
      Fuck your student loans
      Fuck your kids and their health care
      It'll only take ten thousand of your jobs to
      Put another private jet in the air

      Save the rich, it's so easy to do
      Just let yourself be ignorant to what's been done to you
      Save the rich by doing nothing at all
      Deny all sense and logic and just think really small
      You should think really small, or just don't think at all
      And save the rich
    • 6
    • Hey Girl in the Moonlight
    • 1:21
    • Where do I look when someone's serenading me?
      I look 'em in the eyes and it feels really awkward
      Am I supposed to stare at him the entire song?
      If I look away, will he know I'm bored?

      Can't he just look beyond the horizon
      Like a cowboy in a Folgers commercial
      Or close his eyes like he's feeling real deep
      So I can close my eyes like I'm going to sleep

      Hey girl, hey girl, hey girl in the moonlight

      Why doesn't he break eye contact?
      Doesn't he feel stupid singing at me like that?
      He plays guitar as well as me
      And that's not saying much
      He sings like he's in nineteen eighty three
      Like Richard Marx, but tough

      Hey girl, hey girl, hey girl in the moonlight, everybody
      Hey girl, hey girl, hey girl in the moonlight

      Where do I look when someone's serenading me?
      I look 'em in the eyes and it feels really awkward
      Hey girl in the moonlight
    • 7
    • The Ex-Boyfriend Song
    • :06
    • One, two, three
      I fucking hate you, you fucking liar
    • 8
    • Silver Lining
    • 1:49
    • You gotta get up in the morning
      No matter what happened last night
      He ripped your heart out without warning
      But there's only one thing to do
      No matter what you're going through

      Get up out of bed
      Right foot, left foot moving
      Get out of your head
      Soon, you'll be improving

      You'd see the sun outside is shining
      If you would only open up your eyes
      Haven't you heard of the silver lining?
      And if he never felt that way
      Why would you want him to stay?
    • 9
    • I Would Never (Have Sex with You)
    • 2:25
    • Uh one, uh two, uh three, four, five, six!
      Remember the time we went out to dinner,
      you and I alone,
      we ate some french fries

      Let's do it again

      Remember the time we went to the movies,
      laughed so hard we cried,
      then we ate more french fries

      Let's do it again

      'Cause I really like you as a friend
      But there are things I can't pretend
      Know I could love you 'til the end
      But there is just one problem, problem, problem
      (there's a bigger problem, problem, problem)

      I would never have sex with you
      Believe me, you'd know it if I wanted to
      already would have shown my boobs to you
      (already would have gone down on you)
      But that will never happen

      Remember the time we stayed up all night talking,
      let our secrets out until the sunshine
      Let's do it again

      Remember the time we went to Dave and Busters,
      Dance Dance Revolutioned 'til we won a keychain
      Let's do it again

      This shouldn't come as a surprise
      You should have seen it in my eyes
      I kinda like some other guys

      But No amount of alcohol could change my mind at all
      Our lips will never touch,
      so kiss that thought good bye
      'cause I would never have sex with you

      Believe me, you'd know it if I wanted to
      I already would have held hands with you,
      but that will never happen
    • 10
    • Google
    • 2:40
    • The sky isn't blue and the ocean's not grand
      And string theory's easy to understand
      The grass isn't green and the sun isn't bright
      Healthcare will be resolved over night
      The world isn't round and the Buddha's not Zen
      And we both have really good taste in men
      And there really is a Black Forest Land
      Where everyone gets all their ham
      And I swear, I fucking swear I didn't Google you

      Okay, I did - I admit it. It was so easy to do
      Seven thousand eight results and I know everything about you
      You're not a sex offender, but you failed home ec in 1997
      It really isn't that weird, come on we're all adults here

      Everybody Googles each other
      Everybody does their Facebook research
      It's how we get to know one another
      To make sure that we don't get raped

      I don't have any mental disorder
      And I don't spend my weekends watching Law and Order
      It takes forever to get in my pants
      This old-fashioned girl likes romance
      I am not fearful of being alone
      And Zach Morris had a really small phone
      Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
      Cell phones in the eighties
      And I swear, shit fucking swear I didn't Google you

      Okay, I did - I admit it, and I know that you Googled me too
      How else would you have know that my dog contracted herpes
      Sing it again 'cause this melody feels really good to sing
      Stop pretending it's taboo like masturbation in the fifties

      Everybody Googles each other
      Everybody does their Facebook research
      It's how we get to know one another
      To make sure that you're not in porn

      I do not mean to be jealous already
      But who is that girl in those pictures, she's pretty
      I think you may have dated her
      Or maybe she's your lesbi-friend
      I see that you got really drunk on your birthday
      Was it sadness related or were you just thirsty?
      I do not mean to make judgements now
      But if we date, some things will have to change

      Everybody Googles each other
      Everybody does their Facebook research
      It's how we get to know one another
      To make sure that you don't have cats
    • 11
    • I Would Never (Dissect a Ewe)
    • 2:34
    • Remember the time we were in biology class
      We had to grow a plant
      To learn photosynthesis
      Let's do it again
      Remember to time we learned C H N H H
      C double O O H R
      Or a Carbohydrates
      Dissolves faster than a lipase

      'Cause I really like to learn about science
      And I think killing frogs is fine
      But my lab teacher crossed the line
      When he gave us all sheep's eyeballs

      I would never dissect a ewe
      Believe me, I'd slice it if I wanted to
      I already would have ripped its face in two
      But that will never happen

      Remember the time we saw the nitrogen cycle
      A study of root nodules
      In legumes
      With or without rhizobium
      Remember the time we studied homologous chromosomes
      DNA replication
      Led to mitosis and meiosis
      Followed by a division of a cytoplasm

      'Cause I really like to learn about science
      We opened up that pregnant cat
      And the fetal pig was cooler than that
      But some things are disgusting

      I would never dissect a ewe
      Believe me, I'd incise it if I wanted to
      I already would've turned its hooves to glue (you woulda liked it!)
      But that will never happen

      No amount of alcohol
      Would sterilize it all
      When I was five, I went to a petting zoo
      And that sheep face will haunt me (sheep ghost) ('cause)

      I would never dissect a ewe
      Believe me, I'd slice it if I wanted to
      I already would have

      Punched it in the face then (Looked at in a jar like I was)
      Asphyxiated it with its own (In the movie Fast Times at)
      Intestines and hung it from a (Ridgemont High then I'd throw)
      Basketball hoop to drain it (Up because my character's)
      (Had an abortion)

      But that will never happen
    • 12
    • My Apartment’s Very Clean Without You
    • 2:16
    • I work 'til my kitchen is spotless
      In hopes that my mind will be thoughtless
      I put everything in its rightful place
      It's true, my apartment's very clean without you

      Got an extra key to my door now
      Your underwear's not on my floor now
      No more Hendrick's or beer or cigarette butts
      It's true, my apartment's very clean without you

      There are children starving in Africa
      Genocide in Darfur
      But the thing that really makes me sad
      Is your toothbrush is not in my drawer
      Yes, it's true
      My apartment's very clean without you

      I sweep away the mess with my mop and broom
      No sound of sports from the other room
      I found "The Last Boy Scout" and threw it away
      It's true, my apartment's very clean without you

      I can stay up all hours and write now
      No snoring keeping me up at night now
      No alarm to wake me at six A.M.
      It's true, but my new bed feels too big without you

      The economy's crumbling around us
      And the whole world's getting too hot
      But the thing that really makes me sad
      Is the pair of socks you forgot
      Yes, it's true
      My apartment's way too clean without you

      My couch is just a couch
      My room is just a room
      My home is just a house
      Without you

    • 13
    • Go
    • :43
    • Hey, wake up, your time is now
      You'll miss it if you wait too long
      Name your dream, say it out loud
      Shout it and tell the world what's going on
      If you can't, just say it inside
      And someday that whisper will be amplified

      Take what's yours, it's only for you
      But you have to do it on your own
      The only thing harder than living your dreams
      Is knowing you're living without them

      Get on course, do it yourself
      It's better if you do it, yeah
      So you better do it, yeah
      Yeah, you better do it yeah
      Go live your dream
51VYGFRZy1L._SL500_AA280_

All Over Your Face

Garfunkel and Oates first full-length album, released February 1, 2011, on their label, No One Buys Records.
    • 1
    • You, Me and Steve
    • 2:01
    • Candlelight and moonlight all around us
      I look into your eyes
      You hold my hand underneath the table
      And I can’t disguise the way I feel

      I could’ve wished a thousand wishes
      For this night I can’t believe
      That it’s finally me and you and you and me
      Just us, and your friend Steve

      Dododododo Steve Dodododoo leave
      What’s the deal with your friend Steve
      Oh hey, how's it going

      You took me out for waffles and to the movies
      I was hoping for romance
      You even took me to the Mexican circus
      I thought there was a chance we’d be alone

      I could’ve wished a thousand wishes
      For Steve to disappear
      What the fuck's your fucking problem
      Why’s he always here

      Dododododo Steve Dododododo go away
      What’s the deal with your friend Steve
      Oh hey, how's it going

      It’s not that I don’t like your friend
      But how many hours with him can you spend and
      It’s not that I don’t think he’s great
      But its only you, only you, I wanna felate

      Are you gay for Steve I think you may be
      And that would be alright
      But let a bitch know just what your steez is
      So I know if I should shave tonight

      I could’ve wished a thousand wishes
      'Cause I like to be with you
      But if it’s always me and you and your friend Steve
      There’s nothing I can

      Dododododo Steve Dododododo
      Why don't you just go be with your best friend
      And boyfriend Steve
    • 2
    • Weed Card
    • 1:56
    • Everyone knows marijuana’s dangerous
      And medical pot is really strong
      That’s why it's so hard in California
      To get your weed card
      Unless something’s really wrong

      Gonna pay a visit to my doctor
      It’s a long shot but I gotta try
      She hands me a list of all the ailments
      I can have to qualify
      Can’t believe what I am reading
      This is just what I’ve been needing
      A government supply
      To get legally high

      Weed card, that’s what I need
      Hardly ever, okay, always
      But it’s not an addiction
      'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription

      You can get your card for having headaches, bad dreams or anxiety
      Propensity for drugs or alcohol,
      Anorexia or obesity
      Too fat, too thin, either way you win
      Carpal tunnel syndrome, color blindness,
      St-st-stuttering, t-t-tooth decay
      Fatigue, depression, motion sickness,
      Impotence or TMJ
      You can smoke to quit cigarettes
      For asthma or your motherfucking Tourette’s
      It’s a dream come true
      There’s nothing pot can’t do

      Weed card, that’s what I need
      Hardly ever, okay, always
      But it’s not an addiction
      'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription

      Got back pain need Mary Jane
      Can’t handle this, need cannabis
      Got a stomach ache, gotta wake and bake
      Have an injury, need THC
      Get fucked up for your Hyperhidrosis
      Which is sweaty palms in case you need a diagnosis
      It’s not a crime, it’s 4:20 time

      Weed card, that’s what I need
      Hardly ever, okay, always
      But it’s not an addiction
      'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription
    • 3
    • Pregnant Women are Smug
    • 2:24
    • Pregnant women are smug
      Everyone knows it, nobody says it
      Because they’re pregnant

      F-ing son of a gun
      You think you’re so deep now
      You give me the creeps now
      That you’re pregnant

      I can’t count all the ways how
      You speak in clichés now

      Riki: So, do you want a boy or a girl?
      Kate: Oh, it doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy.
      Riki: Really? Because I don't feel like those two things are related at all. It's not like one or the other-
      Kate: No, no, no, no as long as it's healthy... hmmmm….

      I can’t wait to hear someone say
      Don’t care if it’s brain dead
      Don’t care if it’s limbless
      If it has a penis

      'Cause pregnant women are smug
      Everyone knows it, nobody says it
      Because they’re pregnant

      This zen world you’re enjoying
      Makes you really annoying

      Riki: So, is it a boy or a girl?
      Kate: Oh, we know but we're not telling.
      Riki: What are you gonna name it?
      Kate: Oh, we know but we're not telling.
      Riki: Who's the father?
      Kate: Oh, we know but we're not telling.

      Bitch, I don’t really care
      I was being polite now
      Since you have no life now
      That you’re pregnant

      You say you’re walking on air
      You think that you’re glowing
      But you had been ho-ing
      And now you’re pregnant

      You’re just giving birth now
      You’re not Mother Earth now

      Riki: Yeah, I have a lot going on: I got my degree, I moved, I wrote a novel-
      Kate: Gosh, everything just seems so trivial now that I'm pregnant.
      Riki: I also built a nuclear fusion reactor-
      Kate: You know, I can't even remember what I did before I was pregnant, everything just seemed so meaningless… Mmmm…

      Pregnant women are smug
      Everyone knows it, nobody says it
      Because they’re pregnant

      F-ing son of a gun
      You think you’re so deep now
      You give me the creeps now
      Now that you’re pregnant
    • 4
    • Gay Boyfriend
    • 2:57
    • Got a man, call him my boyfriend
      Think I’m falling in love
      The only man that gives me the things
      That I am worthy of

      Hugs me and holds me, kisses me softly
      Calls me back right away
      Communicates his feelings to me
      And cares what I have to say

      He says, "Baby I love you, baby I need you,
      Never gonna let you go"
      Writes me love notes, takes me shopping
      And to Broadway shows

      Talk to him like he is a girlfriend
      Slumber party every night
      Never been so happy before
      He’s almost Mr. Right

      But I think he’s hot and I think he’s sweet
      And I think he’s gay and I think he’s neat
      Okay okay said my boyfriend’s gay
      But what does it matter anyway
      He hasn’t come out of the closet yet
      'Til then I’ll take all I can get

      He doesn’t think I know but I know
      I know I’ve always known
      He doesn’t think it shows but it shows
      For sure it’s always shown
      You might think it’s a little sad
      But he’s the best lover that I’ve ever had

      At night when we’re lying in bed he’s not hard
      It’s okay 'cause he gives me head
      Like my mom always said, "It takes more
      Than a pound to be good in bed"
      You don’t know the meaning of rock your world
      'Til you’ve been with a guy who thinks like girl

      He lies and says that he’s on meds
      That’s why he’s never stiff
      When I ask if he’s not into me
      He always says, “As if!”

      But the way he makes up for shortcomings
      Just could not be finer
      'Cause my new best friend is his tongue
      And his is my vagina

      He reappears from under the covers
      Lookin' like he’s been to war
      He’s drenched in sweat he catches his breath
      Then he heads back down for more

      Afterwards he’s never tired
      He just wants to talk
      And cuddle me until I sleep
      Then he takes his dog for a walk

      Someday he’ll come out and I’ll be happy for him when he does
      But I know I’ll be sad and I'll be thinking of what was
      Someday this fairy tale will come to an end
      'Cause his fairy tail will find a like-minded friend

      He doesn’t think I know but I know
      I know I’ve always known
      He doesn’t think it shows but it shows
      For sure it’s always shown
      You don’t need no penetration
      When you got a good dose of overcompensation

      At night when we’re lying in bed he’s not hard
      It’s okay 'cause he gives me head
      Like my mom always said, "It takes more
      Than a pound to be good in bed"
      You don’t know the meaning of slot machine
      'Til you’ve been with a king who thinks like a queen

      I know it's not forever but that's okay
      'Cause I'm his girlfriend, and he's my gay
    • 5
    • Fuck You
    • 2:29
    • I’ve got too many questions in my mind
      And I’ve got too many answers to find

      Can I give up all I’ve imagined?
      Am I imagical enough for this to happen?

      Because I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you
      And like can lead to like like, and like like can lead to love
      Sure as the stars above I’d really like to kiss you/fuck you

      Can I be the man you’re looking for?
      Can I be your girl forever more?

      I’ll try real hard not to lose her
      I’ll try to be less of a loser

      Because I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you
      And like can lead to like like, and like like can lead to love
      Sure as the stars above I’d really like to kiss you/fuck you, kiss you/fuck you, kiss you/fuck you, kiss you/fuck you… fuck you

      (flute solo)

      Because I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you
      And like can lead to like like, and like like can lead to love
      Sure as the stars above I’d really like to

      Riki: Kiss you, squeeze you, kiss you, rip you, kiss you, rape you, kiss you, fist you
      Kate: Hold you, kiss you, jack you, kiss you, rim you, kiss you, kill you, kiss you

      Fuck you
    • 6
    • Sex With Ducks
    • 1:58
    • Pat Robertson once said
      It’s a long downward slide
      That'll lead to legalizing sex with ducks
      If two men can stand, side by side

      God, I hope he’s right
      'Cause if gay marriage becomes lawful
      Gonna find myself a duck
      And legally do something awful

      Ducks, sex with ducks
      We’ll do it in the rain
      Ducks, yeah, ducks
      Got those webbed feet on my brain

      We’ll find a pond, we’ll find a puddle
      Put your beak in mine and we’ll cuddle
      It’s a feeling I can’t name
      When sex with ducks and gay marriage are one in the same

      Gonna goose that goose, gonna quack that swan
      Gonna rubber my ducky, all night long
      Gonna wack that mallard 'til it’s feathers plume
      Gonna Huey Dewey Louie all over the room

      Scrooge McDuck gonna give it you
      Dive into your gold until you say Duck Tales, woo hoo

      Ducks, sex with ducks
      We’ll do it in the rain
      Ducks, yeah, ducks
      Those feathered bodies are insane

      We’ll find a pond, we’ll find a puddle
      I’ll be the wind beneath your wings and we’ll cuddle
      It’s a feeling I can’t name
      When sex with ducks and gay marriage are one in the same
    • 7
    • This Party Took a Turn for the Douche
    • 3:53
    • We roll into the bar 'cause that’s how we do
      Garfunkel, Oates and the rest of the crew
      Give a dollar to my homegirl and watch that bitch go she
      Hits up the jukebox and puts on Jim Croce
      Operator, can you help me place this call?

      We’re laughing and talking and the drinks are flowing
      And I’m the liking the direction this night is going
      But then I look up and something has changed
      Everyone around us looks fucking deranged

      I look to my left, I look to my right
      Nothing but Von Dutch hats in sight
      With super tight abs and super tan skin
      I swear this ain’t the club that I walked in

      The techno music starts to play
      And the room smells like Axe Body Spray
      I’m like Golda Meir with no gold in my ear
      Please tell me what the hell happened here

      Yo it ain’t pretty but you know it’s the truth
      This party just took a turn for the douche

      For the douche, for the douche
      For the motherfuckin' douche
      Thought it was a perfect party
      Now it’s just a lot of Ed Hardy
      This party just took a turn for the douche

      Guess I can’t beat 'em so I’m gonna join ‘em
      Need some douche phrases and I’m gonna coin ‘em
      Put my bluetooth in and I’m on my way
      Gonna be a motherfuckin' douchebag today

      Gonna groom my beard like a Bonsai tree
      Wax off my chest like Mr. Miyagi
      Got a Chinese tat, don’t know what it means
      But it makes me look deep to girls in their teens

      Don’t need sleeves on my shirt, just rip ‘em off
      And leave ‘em exposed like Bernie Madoff
      Fake tan so brown you can call me Foxy
      Gonna pop my collar like Limbaugh pops Oxy

      Got more chains than Mr. T
      And I pity the fuckwad who messes with me
      Cause I’m doin’ roids ‘til my balls get teeny
      Like Dennis Quaid in Innerspace, up inside the weenie

      Gettin’ crunk on brewskis with my broskis
      Cooler than Ice Cube wearing snow skis
      Sweeter than the life of Zack and Cody
      Higher than the voice of Truman Capote

      Yeah I’ll drop a G for this bottle of Goose
      This party just took a turn for the douche

      For the douche, for the douche
      For the motherfuckin’ douche
      Thought it was a perfect party
      Now it’s just a lot of Ed Hardy
      This party just took a turn for the douche

      We’re an Army in the Night like Norman Mailer
      And it’s time to be a tool like my name is Tim Taylor
      I’m a VIP 'cause my table said so
      I’ma use some Rufees 'cause the skank said, "No!"

      I like my hair like I like my girl’s drink
      Spiked as fuck

      Did my last keg stand like General Custer
      And I’m assessin’ the damage like a claims adjuster
      I ain’t your daddy but I’ll call you son
      Yeah I get metaphysical like fuckin' John Donne

      I’m holdin’ up the beats like I was Lloyd Dobbler
      Girls are on the dance floor shakin’ their cobbler
      I’m Cool like LL, Fly like Jeff Goldblum
      And I’m gonna find the biggest ho in this room

      Girl’s wax is Brazilian, her manicure’s French
      Jean Nate is her signature stench
      She got rocks on her fingers and beneath her areolas
      Her garden’s more savage then ch ch cherry colas

      Her heels are as clear as my intentions to bang her
      Hope she’s birth controlled like Margaret Sanger
      Gonna Boner Stabbone her, Mike Seaver her beaver
      Take her gold for cash then motherfuckin' leave her

      I ain’t in love with you cousin I ain’t George Michael Bluth
      This party just took a turn for the douche

      For the douche, for the douche
      For the motherfuckin’ douche
      Thought it was a perfect party
      Now it’s just a lot of Ed Hardy
      This party just took a turn for the douche
    • 8
    • Running With Chicken
    • 1:54
    • When your day is bad
      And you're feeling sad
      And you're kinda mad
      And you're sure not glad
      And you're thinking this is the opposite of rad

      When things are tough
      And you've had enough
      And the going gets rough
      And you're in a huff
      And a whole bunch of real bad other stuff

      You know it's true
      There's one thing left to do

      Go running with chicken
      Go running with your deep fried dreams
      When your extra crispy destiny awaits
      Go running with chicken
      Original recipe
      Time to risk it
      Leave the biscuit and fly
      Go running with chicken

      You've had it up to here
      And it's all you fear
      Nothing's clear
      You're sheer out of cheer
      You're a finger lickin' good time pioneer

      When you're feeling spastic
      And it's not fantastic
      It's hard to be sarcastic
      When you're pants are elastic
      And you're thinking that it's time to do something drastic

      You're on the prowl
      To jank that fowl

      Go running with chicken
      Your Kentucky Fried fate unfurls
      You can eat so you don't have to feel
      Go running with chicken
      Even if you can't move real fast
      Just say fuck it
      Take the bucket and fly
      Go running with chicken

      It's not racist
      'Cause white people like chicken too
      Time to face it
      Everyone around the world is better
      Because of chicken
    • 9
    • One Night Stand
    • 3:41
    • I never do this ever
      It’s not what shy girls do
      But something in your eyes
      Drew me closer to you

      Do you feel that spark between us
      Sometimes you can just tell
      I feel our two souls touching
      Like I know you really well
      Really well, really well, really well

      This might be strange to tell you
      And I swear I’m not a whore
      But there are 206 bones in my body
      And I’d really like one more
      One more, one more, one more

      You're like Tweety Bird
      Come look at my Puddy Tat
      You’re like a parking ticket so fine
      Jean Claude Van Damn you’re sexy
      Let’s get horizontal and combine

      Cause you’re fine, you’re so fine
      Oh baby you’re so hot
      Come on give me all you got hey
      Oh baby you're so rad
      Come on let's do something bad hey

      Your thighs are Thanksgiving
      Your stomach's Christmas
      Gonna visit in between the holidays
      Energizer bunny keeps going and going
      We’ve struck up a match and I set you ablaze

      Cause you’re fine, you’re so fine
      Oh baby you’re so cute
      Get into your birthday suit hey
      Oh baby you're so sexy
      Come on over and undrex me hey

      Shoot would you look the time
      Gotta go, this has been fun, hey
      Lots to do in the morning
      Gotta help my friend move
      Gotta do my taxes
      Gotta check my email
      Plus it’s Arbor Day, hey
      Where the hell did I put my bra, oh hey

      Wait what, you think we’re dating
      However could that be
      'Cause we just had sex
      And it meant nothing (at all) to me
      To me, to me, to me

      And also hello
      How could we be dating if we never held hands
      We held onto the bedpost but we never held hands
      You got inside my body, but you didn’t reach my heart
      We raced right to the finish but I guess we missed the start
      There’s no way we were dating cause we never held hands

      How could we be dating if you never took me out, ooh
      No whisper of sweet nothings
      You just made me scream and shout, ooh
      There was no love ambition but you taught me new positions on the way
      The Rosa Parks, the Corn Beef Hash, the Moon Landing

      You may know my body,
      You don’t know my soul
      You want the donut
      But all you’re gonna get is the hole

      Listen babe I’d call you
      And probably real soon
      But I lost my cell
      And I’ll be out of town ‘til June

      I guess I didn’t mention
      My band’s going on tour
      So I’ll be super busy
      Otherwise we’d date for sure
      Cause it was… so great
    • 10
    • Places to Rest
    • 2:34
    • You’re so much younger than me
      And you’re so pretty
      I can’t believe you call me every day
      Now I’m waiting, for you to realize
      Someone better for you is bound to come your way

      But I’m adoring every moment with you
      And ignoring our expiration date
      And I want you to do anything you ever wanted to to me now
      Before it’s too late

      Tonight, of all the places to rest
      I like your arms the best
      And I know when we’re through
      I’m really gonna miss you

      You say, "You’re funny, I mean really
      And I don’t know if I want a girl like you"
      You say, "I want you to shop at American Apparel"
      But isn’t it apparent that I’m not 22

      I think you’re funny, that you’d tell me that
      You’re so honest, god you’re such a sexy mess
      And I can’t be around you when you have your clothes on
      So please let's stop talking I’ll help you undress

      Tonight, of all the places to rest
      I like your arms the best
      And I know when we’re through
      I’m really gonna miss you

      For once, I can be here
      Not thinking about where we’re going
      I’ll just lay in your big warm bed
      And laugh at your jokes
      And take comfort in not knowing
mzi.fxikidsf.170x170-75

Music Songs

Garfunkel and Oates first EP. Released on January 1, 2009.
    • 1
    • Pregnant Women are Smug
    • 2:17
    • Pregnant women are smug
      Everyone knows it, nobody says it
      Because they’re pregnant

      F-ing son of a gun
      You think you’re so deep now
      You give me the creeps now
      That you’re pregnant

      I can’t count all the ways how
      You speak in clichés now

      Riki: So, do you want a boy or a girl?
      Kate: Oh, it doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy.
      Riki: Really? Because I don't feel like those two things are related at all. It's not like one or the other-
      Kate: No, no, no, no as long as it's healthy... hmmmm….

      I can’t wait to hear someone say
      Don’t care if it’s brain dead
      Don’t care if it’s limbless
      If it has a penis

      'Cause pregnant women are smug
      Everyone knows it, nobody says it
      Because they’re pregnant

      This zen world you’re enjoying
      Makes you really annoying

      Riki: So, is it a boy or a girl?
      Kate: Oh, we know but we're not telling.
      Riki: What are you gonna name it?
      Kate: Oh, we know but we're not telling.
      Riki: Who's the father?
      Kate: Oh, we know but we're not telling.

      Bitch, I don’t really care
      I was being polite now
      Since you have no life now
      That you’re pregnant

      You say you’re walking on air
      You think that you’re glowing
      But you had been ho-ing
      And now you’re pregnant

      You’re just giving birth now
      You’re not Mother Earth now

      Riki: Yeah, I have a lot going on: I got my degree, I moved, I wrote a novel-
      Kate: Gosh, everything just seems so trivial now that I'm pregnant.
      Riki: I also built a nuclear fusion reactor-
      Kate: You know, I can't even remember what I did before I was pregnant, everything just seemed so meaningless… Mmmm…

      Pregnant women are smug
      Everyone knows it, nobody says it
      Because they’re pregnant

      F-ing son of a gun
      You think you’re so deep now
      You give me the creeps now
      Now that you’re pregnant
    • 2
    • I Would Never (Have Sex with You)
    • 2:17
    • Uh one, uh two, uh three, four, five, six!
      Remember the time we went out to dinner,
      you and I alone,
      we ate some french fries

      Let's do it again

      Remember the time we went to the movies,
      laughed so hard we cried,
      then we ate more french fries

      Let's do it again

      'Cause I really like you as a friend
      But there are things I can't pretend
      Know I could love you 'til the end
      But there is just one problem, problem, problem
      (there's a bigger problem, problem, problem)

      I would never have sex with you
      Believe me, you'd know it if I wanted to
      already would have shown my boobs to you
      (already would have gone down on you)
      But that will never happen

      Remember the time we stayed up all night talking,
      let our secrets out until the sunshine
      Let's do it again

      Remember the time we went to Dave and Busters,
      Dance Dance Revolutioned 'til we won a keychain
      Let's do it again

      This shouldn't come as a surprise
      You should have seen it in my eyes
      I kinda like some other guys

      But No amount of alcohol could change my mind at all
      Our lips will never touch,
      so kiss that thought good bye
      'cause I would never have sex with you

      Believe me, you'd know it if I wanted to
      I already would have held hands with you,
      but that will never happen
    • 3
    • Me, You and Steve
    • 1:57
    • Candlelight and moonlight all around us
      I look into your eyes
      You hold my hand underneath the table
      And I can’t disguise the way I feel

      I could’ve wished a thousand wishes
      For this night I can’t believe
      That it’s finally me and you and you and me
      Just us, and your friend Steve

      Dododododo Steve Dodododoo leave
      What’s the deal with your friend Steve
      Oh hey, how's it going

      You took me out for waffles and to the movies
      I was hoping for romance
      You even took me to the Mexican circus
      I thought there was a chance we’d be alone

      I could’ve wished a thousand wishes
      For Steve to disappear
      What the fuck's your fucking problem
      Why’s he always here

      Dododododo Steve Dododododo go away
      What’s the deal with your friend Steve
      Oh hey, how's it going

      It’s not that I don’t like your friend
      But how many hours with him can you spend and
      It’s not that I don’t think he’s great
      But its only you, only you, I wanna felate

      Are you gay for Steve I think you may be
      And that would be alright
      But let a bitch know just what your steez is
      So I know if I should shave tonight

      I could’ve wished a thousand wishes
      'Cause I like to be with you
      But if it’s always me and you and your friend Steve
      There’s nothing I can

      Dododododo Steve Dododododo
      Why don't you just go be with your best friend
      And boyfriend Steve
    • 4
    • Fuck You
    • 2:17
    • I’ve got too many questions in my mind
      And I’ve got too many answers to find

      Can I give up all I’ve imagined?
      Am I imagical enough for this to happen?

      Because I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you
      And like can lead to like like, and like like can lead to love
      Sure as the stars above I’d really like to kiss you/fuck you

      Can I be the man you’re looking for?
      Can I be your girl forever more?

      I’ll try real hard not to lose her
      I’ll try to be less of a loser

      Because I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you
      And like can lead to like like, and like like can lead to love
      Sure as the stars above I’d really like to kiss you/fuck you, kiss you/fuck you, kiss you/fuck you, kiss you/fuck you… fuck you

      (flute solo)

      Because I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you
      And like can lead to like like, and like like can lead to love
      Sure as the stars above I’d really like to

      Riki: Kiss you, squeeze you, kiss you, rip you, kiss you, rape you, kiss you, fist you
      Kate: Hold you, kiss you, jack you, kiss you, rim you, kiss you, kill you, kiss you

      Fuck you
    • 5
    • Only You
    • 1:52
    • Riki: I used to dream that I would be a bright and shiny star on TV
      Kate: Or maybe I would go to college (Riki: Like Harvard) or Devry
      Riki: I would live in an apartment
      Both: In Paris or in Cincinnati
      Kate: I would play my music loud and not apologize

      Riki: I used to dream that I would marry
      Both: A guy that looked like Charlie Sheen
      Kate: And he would have a name like Gary (Riki: Steve) Todd (Both: David)
      Riki: I used to think I’d have three kids and they would all look just like me
      Kate: And I would force them kids to carry all my groceries

      Both: We don’t need no goals, don’t need human connections
      Dreams are overrated cause our life’s already perfection
      Now I know all that is true
      Cause All I really want is you and you and only you
      Me, you, me, you

      Riki: I used to dream that I would have a best friend named Michelle
      Kate: And we would braid some friendship bracelets
      Both: And we would tell all of those other fucking cunts to go to hell
      Kate: And when we’re 60 we’d get facelifts like Joan Rivers (Riki: Like Burt Reynolds)

      Riki: I used to dream I’d have co-workers and we’d stay out til 2 at night
      Kate: And I would have a perfect body (Riki: You do) I know
      Riki: I used to think that I’d have sex at some point in my adult life
      Kate: And I was sure it would be naughty (Riki: Like that scene from Top Gun) Take my breath away

      Both: We don’t need no goals, don’t need human connections
      Dreams are overrated cause our life’s already perfection
      Now I know all that is true
      Cause All I really want is you and you and only you
      Me, you, me, you, you
    • 6
    • One Night Stand
    • 4:00
    • I never do this ever
      It’s not what shy girls do
      But something in your eyes
      Drew me closer to you

      Do you feel that spark between us
      Sometimes you can just tell
      I feel our two souls touching
      Like I know you really well
      Really well, really well, really well

      This might be strange to tell you
      And I swear I’m not a whore
      But there are 206 bones in my body
      And I’d really like one more
      One more, one more, one more

      You're like Tweety Bird
      Come look at my Puddy Tat
      You’re like a parking ticket so fine
      Jean Claude Van Damn you’re sexy
      Let’s get horizontal and combine

      Cause you’re fine, you’re so fine
      Oh baby you’re so hot
      Come on give me all you got hey
      Oh baby you're so rad
      Come on let's do something bad hey

      Your thighs are Thanksgiving
      Your stomach's Christmas
      Gonna visit in between the holidays
      Energizer bunny keeps going and going
      We’ve struck up a match and I set you ablaze

      Cause you’re fine, you’re so fine
      Oh baby you’re so cute
      Get into your birthday suit hey
      Oh baby you're so sexy
      Come on over and undrex me hey

      Shoot would you look the time
      Gotta go, this has been fun, hey
      Lots to do in the morning
      Gotta help my friend move
      Gotta do my taxes
      Gotta check my email
      Plus it’s Arbor Day, hey
      Where the hell did I put my bra, oh hey

      Wait what, you think we’re dating
      However could that be
      'Cause we just had sex
      And it meant nothing (at all) to me
      To me, to me, to me

      And also hello
      How could we be dating if we never held hands
      We held onto the bedpost but we never held hands
      You got inside my body, but you didn’t reach my heart
      We raced right to the finish but I guess we missed the start
      There’s no way we were dating cause we never held hands

      How could we be dating if you never took me out, ooh
      No whisper of sweet nothings
      You just made me scream and shout, ooh
      There was no love ambition but you taught me new positions on the way
      The Rosa Parks, the Corn Beef Hash, the Moon Landing

      You may know my body,
      You don’t know my soul
      You want the donut
      But all you’re gonna get is the hole

      Listen babe I’d call you
      And probably real soon
      But I lost my cell
      And I’ll be out of town ‘til June

      I guess I didn’t mention
      My band’s going on tour
      So I’ll be super busy
      Otherwise we’d date for sure
      Cause it was… so great
    • 7
    • Silver Lining
    • 2:09
    • You gotta get up in the morning
      No matter what happened last night
      He ripped your heart out without warning
      But there's only one thing to do
      No matter what you're going through

      Get up out of bed
      Right foot, left foot moving
      Get out of your head
      Soon, you'll be improving

      You'd see the sun outside is shining
      If you would only open up your eyes
      Haven't you heard of the silver lining?
      And if he never felt that way
      Why would you want him to stay?
    • 8
    • As You Are
    • 2:21
    • Kate:
      Sit back, you don't have to work so hard
      It makes me tired to watch you try
      Relax, you already played your cards
      And I know which ones are a lie

      Riki:
      It makes me really sad to see
      The things you think you have to be
      Just to be enough for me
      When you already are

      Both:
      Why can't you just look at you
      In the same way that I do
      Through all that's false and all that's true
      I like you, as you are

      Kate:
      I know that you can get sad sometimes
      I see it mostly when you smile
      Let go of all of your supposed crimes
      Just be with me for a while

      Riki:
      I know this may be hard to hear
      But all your tricks are really clear
      I see right through your slick veneer
      To the secret life you hide

      Both:
      Why can't you just look at you
      In the same way that I do
      Through all that's false and all that's true
      I like you, as you are
      Take me in, believe me when I say
      You're more than just okay
      You're perfect as you are