presentface-sarah-01

Present Face

The holiday classic is back! Help to make "Present Face" THE Holiday Song of 2012 by downloading the song for FREE and sharing it with family and friends and on Twitter, Facebook or wherever you want! You can also send us a photo or your own "Present Face"! E-mail your best present face to [email protected]
    • 1
    • Pregnant Women are Smug
    • 2:17
    • 1
    • Present Face!
    • 2:16
    • Help to make Present Face THE holiday song for 2012! Download for FREE and share with friends!

      You can also send a photo of your own Present Face to [email protected]
    • 2
    • I Would Never (Have Sex with You)
    • 2:17
    • 3
    • Me, You and Steve
    • 1:57
    • 4
    • Fuck You
    • 2:17
    • 5
    • Only You
    • 1:52
    • 6
    • One Night Stand
    • 4:00
    • 7
    • Silver Lining
    • 2:09
    • 8
    • As You Are
    • 2:21
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Slippery When Moist

Released February 7, 2012 on our label, No One Buys Records.
    • 1
    • Wow
    • :35
    • 2
    • Go Kart Racing
    • 2:04
    • 3
    • I Don’t Know Who You Are
    • 2:00
    • 4
    • Handjob, Blandjob, I Don’t Understand Job
    • 3:27
    • 5
    • Save the Rich
    • 2:47
    • 6
    • Hey Girl in the Moonlight
    • 1:21
    • 7
    • The Ex-Boyfriend Song
    • :06
    • 8
    • Silver Lining
    • 1:49
    • 9
    • I Would Never (Have Sex with You)
    • 2:25
    • 10
    • Google
    • 2:40
    • 11
    • I Would Never (Dissect a Ewe)
    • 2:34
    • 12
    • My Apartment’s Very Clean Without You
    • 2:16
    • 13
    • Go
    • :43
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All Over Your Face

Garfunkel and Oates first full-length album, released February 1, 2011, on their label, No One Buys Records.
    • 1
    • You, Me and Steve
    • 2:01
    • Candlelight and moonlight all around us
      I look into your eyes
      You hold my hand underneath the table
      And I can’t disguise the way I feel

      I could’ve wished a thousand wishes
      For this night I can’t believe
      That it’s finally me and you and you and me
      Just us, and your friend Steve

      Dododododo Steve Dodododoo leave
      What’s the deal with your friend Steve
      Oh hey, how's it going

      You took me out for waffles and to the movies
      I was hoping for romance
      You even took me to the Mexican circus
      I thought there was a chance we’d be alone

      I could’ve wished a thousand wishes
      For Steve to disappear
      What the fuck's your fucking problem
      Why’s he always here

      Dododododo Steve Dododododo go away
      What’s the deal with your friend Steve
      Oh hey, how's it going

      It’s not that I don’t like your friend
      But how many hours with him can you spend and
      It’s not that I don’t think he’s great
      But its only you, only you, I wanna felate

      Are you gay for Steve I think you may be
      And that would be alright
      But let a bitch know just what your steez is
      So I know if I should shave tonight

      I could’ve wished a thousand wishes
      'Cause I like to be with you
      But if it’s always me and you and your friend Steve
      There’s nothing I can

      Dododododo Steve Dododododo
      Why don't you just go be with your best friend
      And boyfriend Steve
    • 2
    • Weed Card
    • 1:56
    • Everyone knows marijuana’s dangerous
      And medical pot is really strong
      That’s why it's so hard in California
      To get your weed card
      Unless something’s really wrong

      Gonna pay a visit to my doctor
      It’s a long shot but I gotta try
      She hands me a list of all the ailments
      I can have to qualify
      Can’t believe what I am reading
      This is just what I’ve been needing
      A government supply
      To get legally high

      Weed card, that’s what I need
      Hardly ever, okay, always
      But it’s not an addiction
      'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription

      You can get your card for having headaches, bad dreams or anxiety
      Propensity for drugs or alcohol,
      Anorexia or obesity
      Too fat, too thin, either way you win
      Carpal tunnel syndrome, color blindness,
      St-st-stuttering, t-t-tooth decay
      Fatigue, depression, motion sickness,
      Impotence or TMJ
      You can smoke to quit cigarettes
      For asthma or your motherfucking Tourette’s
      It’s a dream come true
      There’s nothing pot can’t do

      Weed card, that’s what I need
      Hardly ever, okay, always
      But it’s not an addiction
      'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription

      Got back pain need Mary Jane
      Can’t handle this, need cannabis
      Got a stomach ache, gotta wake and bake
      Have an injury, need THC
      Get fucked up for your Hyperhidrosis
      Which is sweaty palms in case you need a diagnosis
      It’s not a crime, it’s 4:20 time

      Weed card, that’s what I need
      Hardly ever, okay, always
      But it’s not an addiction
      'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription
    • 3
    • Pregnant Women are Smug
    • 2:24
    • Pregnant women are smug
      Everyone knows it, nobody says it
      Because they’re pregnant

      F-ing son of a gun
      You think you’re so deep now
      You give me the creeps now
      That you’re pregnant

      I can’t count all the ways how
      You speak in clichés now

      Riki: So, do you want a boy or a girl?
      Kate: Oh, it doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy.
      Riki: Really? Because I don't feel like those two things are related at all. It's not like one or the other-
      Kate: No, no, no, no as long as it's healthy... hmmmm….

      I can’t wait to hear someone say
      Don’t care if it’s brain dead
      Don’t care if it’s limbless
      If it has a penis

      'Cause pregnant women are smug
      Everyone knows it, nobody says it
      Because they’re pregnant

      This zen world you’re enjoying
      Makes you really annoying

      Riki: So, is it a boy or a girl?
      Kate: Oh, we know but we're not telling.
      Riki: What are you gonna name it?
      Kate: Oh, we know but we're not telling.
      Riki: Who's the father?
      Kate: Oh, we know but we're not telling.

      Bitch, I don’t really care
      I was being polite now
      Since you have no life now
      That you’re pregnant

      You say you’re walking on air
      You think that you’re glowing
      But you had been ho-ing
      And now you’re pregnant

      You’re just giving birth now
      You’re not Mother Earth now

      Riki: Yeah, I have a lot going on: I got my degree, I moved, I wrote a novel-
      Kate: Gosh, everything just seems so trivial now that I'm pregnant.
      Riki: I also built a nuclear fusion reactor-
      Kate: You know, I can't even remember what I did before I was pregnant, everything just seemed so meaningless… Mmmm…

      Pregnant women are smug
      Everyone knows it, nobody says it
      Because they’re pregnant

      F-ing son of a gun
      You think you’re so deep now
      You give me the creeps now
      Now that you’re pregnant
    • 4
    • Gay Boyfriend
    • 2:57
    • Got a man, call him my boyfriend
      Think I’m falling in love
      The only man that gives me the things
      That I am worthy of

      Hugs me and holds me, kisses me softly
      Calls me back right away
      Communicates his feelings to me
      And cares what I have to say

      He says, "Baby I love you, baby I need you,
      Never gonna let you go"
      Writes me love notes, takes me shopping
      And to Broadway shows

      Talk to him like he is a girlfriend
      Slumber party every night
      Never been so happy before
      He’s almost Mr. Right

      But I think he’s hot and I think he’s sweet
      And I think he’s gay and I think he’s neat
      Okay okay said my boyfriend’s gay
      But what does it matter anyway
      He hasn’t come out of the closet yet
      'Til then I’ll take all I can get

      He doesn’t think I know but I know
      I know I’ve always known
      He doesn’t think it shows but it shows
      For sure it’s always shown
      You might think it’s a little sad
      But he’s the best lover that I’ve ever had

      At night when we’re lying in bed he’s not hard
      It’s okay 'cause he gives me head
      Like my mom always said, "It takes more
      Than a pound to be good in bed"
      You don’t know the meaning of rock your world
      'Til you’ve been with a guy who thinks like girl

      He lies and says that he’s on meds
      That’s why he’s never stiff
      When I ask if he’s not into me
      He always says, “As if!”

      But the way he makes up for shortcomings
      Just could not be finer
      'Cause my new best friend is his tongue
      And his is my vagina

      He reappears from under the covers
      Lookin' like he’s been to war
      He’s drenched in sweat he catches his breath
      Then he heads back down for more

      Afterwards he’s never tired
      He just wants to talk
      And cuddle me until I sleep
      Then he takes his dog for a walk

      Someday he’ll come out and I’ll be happy for him when he does
      But I know I’ll be sad and I'll be thinking of what was
      Someday this fairy tale will come to an end
      'Cause his fairy tail will find a like-minded friend

      He doesn’t think I know but I know
      I know I’ve always known
      He doesn’t think it shows but it shows
      For sure it’s always shown
      You don’t need no penetration
      When you got a good dose of overcompensation

      At night when we’re lying in bed he’s not hard
      It’s okay 'cause he gives me head
      Like my mom always said, "It takes more
      Than a pound to be good in bed"
      You don’t know the meaning of slot machine
      'Til you’ve been with a king who thinks like a queen

      I know it's not forever but that's okay
      'Cause I'm his girlfriend, and he's my gay
    • 5
    • Fuck You
    • 2:29
    • I’ve got too many questions in my mind
      And I’ve got too many answers to find

      Can I give up all I’ve imagined?
      Am I imagical enough for this to happen?

      Because I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you
      And like can lead to like like, and like like can lead to love
      Sure as the stars above I’d really like to kiss you/fuck you

      Can I be the man you’re looking for?
      Can I be your girl forever more?

      I’ll try real hard not to lose her
      I’ll try to be less of a loser

      Because I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you
      And like can lead to like like, and like like can lead to love
      Sure as the stars above I’d really like to kiss you/fuck you, kiss you/fuck you, kiss you/fuck you, kiss you/fuck you… fuck you

      (flute solo)

      Because I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you
      And like can lead to like like, and like like can lead to love
      Sure as the stars above I’d really like to

      Riki: Kiss you, squeeze you, kiss you, rip you, kiss you, rape you, kiss you, fist you
      Kate: Hold you, kiss you, jack you, kiss you, rim you, kiss you, kill you, kiss you

      Fuck you
    • 6
    • Sex With Ducks
    • 1:58
    • Pat Robertson once said
      It’s a long downward slide
      That'll lead to legalizing sex with ducks
      If two men can stand, side by side

      God, I hope he’s right
      'Cause if gay marriage becomes lawful
      Gonna find myself a duck
      And legally do something awful

      Ducks, sex with ducks
      We’ll do it in the rain
      Ducks, yeah, ducks
      Got those webbed feet on my brain

      We’ll find a pond, we’ll find a puddle
      Put your beak in mine and we’ll cuddle
      It’s a feeling I can’t name
      When sex with ducks and gay marriage are one in the same

      Gonna goose that goose, gonna quack that swan
      Gonna rubber my ducky, all night long
      Gonna wack that mallard 'til it’s feathers plume
      Gonna Huey Dewey Louie all over the room

      Scrooge McDuck gonna give it you
      Dive into your gold until you say Duck Tales, woo hoo

      Ducks, sex with ducks
      We’ll do it in the rain
      Ducks, yeah, ducks
      Those feathered bodies are insane

      We’ll find a pond, we’ll find a puddle
      I’ll be the wind beneath your wings and we’ll cuddle
      It’s a feeling I can’t name
      When sex with ducks and gay marriage are one in the same
    • 7
    • This Party Took a Turn for the Douche
    • 3:53
    • We roll into the bar 'cause that’s how we do
      Garfunkel, Oates and the rest of the crew
      Give a dollar to my homegirl and watch that bitch go she
      Hits up the jukebox and puts on Jim Croce
      Operator, can you help me place this call?

      We’re laughing and talking and the drinks are flowing
      And I’m the liking the direction this night is going
      But then I look up and something has changed
      Everyone around us looks fucking deranged

      I look to my left, I look to my right
      Nothing but Von Dutch hats in sight
      With super tight abs and super tan skin
      I swear this ain’t the club that I walked in

      The techno music starts to play
      And the room smells like Axe Body Spray
      I’m like Golda Meir with no gold in my ear
      Please tell me what the hell happened here

      Yo it ain’t pretty but you know it’s the truth
      This party just took a turn for the douche

      For the douche, for the douche
      For the motherfuckin' douche
      Thought it was a perfect party
      Now it’s just a lot of Ed Hardy
      This party just took a turn for the douche

      Guess I can’t beat 'em so I’m gonna join ‘em
      Need some douche phrases and I’m gonna coin ‘em
      Put my bluetooth in and I’m on my way
      Gonna be a motherfuckin' douchebag today

      Gonna groom my beard like a Bonsai tree
      Wax off my chest like Mr. Miyagi
      Got a Chinese tat, don’t know what it means
      But it makes me look deep to girls in their teens

      Don’t need sleeves on my shirt, just rip ‘em off
      And leave ‘em exposed like Bernie Madoff
      Fake tan so brown you can call me Foxy
      Gonna pop my collar like Limbaugh pops Oxy

      Got more chains than Mr. T
      And I pity the fuckwad who messes with me
      Cause I’m doin’ roids ‘til my balls get teeny
      Like Dennis Quaid in Innerspace, up inside the weenie

      Gettin’ crunk on brewskis with my broskis
      Cooler than Ice Cube wearing snow skis
      Sweeter than the life of Zack and Cody
      Higher than the voice of Truman Capote

      Yeah I’ll drop a G for this bottle of Goose
      This party just took a turn for the douche

      For the douche, for the douche
      For the motherfuckin’ douche
      Thought it was a perfect party
      Now it’s just a lot of Ed Hardy
      This party just took a turn for the douche

      We’re an Army in the Night like Norman Mailer
      And it’s time to be a tool like my name is Tim Taylor
      I’m a VIP 'cause my table said so
      I’ma use some Rufees 'cause the skank said, "No!"

      I like my hair like I like my girl’s drink
      Spiked as fuck

      Did my last keg stand like General Custer
      And I’m assessin’ the damage like a claims adjuster
      I ain’t your daddy but I’ll call you son
      Yeah I get metaphysical like fuckin' John Donne

      I’m holdin’ up the beats like I was Lloyd Dobbler
      Girls are on the dance floor shakin’ their cobbler
      I’m Cool like LL, Fly like Jeff Goldblum
      And I’m gonna find the biggest ho in this room

      Girl’s wax is Brazilian, her manicure’s French
      Jean Nate is her signature stench
      She got rocks on her fingers and beneath her areolas
      Her garden’s more savage then ch ch cherry colas

      Her heels are as clear as my intentions to bang her
      Hope she’s birth controlled like Margaret Sanger
      Gonna Boner Stabbone her, Mike Seaver her beaver
      Take her gold for cash then motherfuckin' leave her

      I ain’t in love with you cousin I ain’t George Michael Bluth
      This party just took a turn for the douche

      For the douche, for the douche
      For the motherfuckin’ douche
      Thought it was a perfect party
      Now it’s just a lot of Ed Hardy
      This party just took a turn for the douche
    • 8
    • Running With Chicken
    • 1:54
    • When your day is bad
      And you're feeling sad
      And you're kinda mad
      And you're sure not glad
      And you're thinking this is the opposite of rad

      When things are tough
      And you've had enough
      And the going gets rough
      And you're in a huff
      And a whole bunch of real bad other stuff

      You know it's true
      There's one thing left to do

      Go running with chicken
      Go running with your deep fried dreams
      When your extra crispy destiny awaits
      Go running with chicken
      Original recipe
      Time to risk it
      Leave the biscuit and fly
      Go running with chicken

      You've had it up to here
      And it's all you fear
      Nothing's clear
      You're sheer out of cheer
      You're a finger lickin' good time pioneer

      When you're feeling spastic
      And it's not fantastic
      It's hard to be sarcastic
      When you're pants are elastic
      And you're thinking that it's time to do something drastic

      You're on the prowl
      To jank that fowl

      Go running with chicken
      Your Kentucky Fried fate unfurls
      You can eat so you don't have to feel
      Go running with chicken
      Even if you can't move real fast
      Just say fuck it
      Take the bucket and fly
      Go running with chicken

      It's not racist
      'Cause white people like chicken too
      Time to face it
      Everyone around the world is better
      Because of chicken
    • 9
    • One Night Stand
    • 3:41
    • I never do this ever
      It’s not what shy girls do
      But something in your eyes
      Drew me closer to you

      Do you feel that spark between us
      Sometimes you can just tell
      I feel our two souls touching
      Like I know you really well
      Really well, really well, really well

      This might be strange to tell you
      And I swear I’m not a whore
      But there are 206 bones in my body
      And I’d really like one more
      One more, one more, one more

      You're like Tweety Bird
      Come look at my Puddy Tat
      You’re like a parking ticket so fine
      Jean Claude Van Damn you’re sexy
      Let’s get horizontal and combine

      Cause you’re fine, you’re so fine
      Oh baby you’re so hot
      Come on give me all you got hey
      Oh baby you're so rad
      Come on let's do something bad hey

      Your thighs are Thanksgiving
      Your stomach's Christmas
      Gonna visit in between the holidays
      Energizer bunny keeps going and going
      We’ve struck up a match and I set you ablaze

      Cause you’re fine, you’re so fine
      Oh baby you’re so cute
      Get into your birthday suit hey
      Oh baby you're so sexy
      Come on over and undrex me hey

      Shoot would you look the time
      Gotta go, this has been fun, hey
      Lots to do in the morning
      Gotta help my friend move
      Gotta do my taxes
      Gotta check my email
      Plus it’s Arbor Day, hey
      Where the hell did I put my bra, oh hey

      Wait what, you think we’re dating
      However could that be
      'Cause we just had sex
      And it meant nothing (at all) to me
      To me, to me, to me

      And also hello
      How could we be dating if we never held hands
      We held onto the bedpost but we never held hands
      You got inside my body, but you didn’t reach my heart
      We raced right to the finish but I guess we missed the start
      There’s no way we were dating cause we never held hands

      How could we be dating if you never took me out, ooh
      No whisper of sweet nothings
      You just made me scream and shout, ooh
      There was no love ambition but you taught me new positions on the way
      The Rosa Parks, the Corn Beef Hash, the Moon Landing

      You may know my body,
      You don’t know my soul
      You want the donut
      But all you’re gonna get is the hole

      Listen babe I’d call you
      And probably real soon
      But I lost my cell
      And I’ll be out of town ‘til June

      I guess I didn’t mention
      My band’s going on tour
      So I’ll be super busy
      Otherwise we’d date for sure
      Cause it was… so great
    • 10
    • Places to Rest
    • 2:34
    • You’re so much younger than me
      And you’re so pretty
      I can’t believe you call me every day
      Now I’m waiting, for you to realize
      Someone better for you is bound to come your way

      But I’m adoring every moment with you
      And ignoring our expiration date
      And I want you to do anything you ever wanted to to me now
      Before it’s too late

      Tonight, of all the places to rest
      I like your arms the best
      And I know when we’re through
      I’m really gonna miss you

      You say, "You’re funny, I mean really
      And I don’t know if I want a girl like you"
      You say, "I want you to shop at American Apparel"
      But isn’t it apparent that I’m not 22

      I think you’re funny, that you’d tell me that
      You’re so honest, god you’re such a sexy mess
      And I can’t be around you when you have your clothes on
      So please let's stop talking I’ll help you undress

      Tonight, of all the places to rest
      I like your arms the best
      And I know when we’re through
      I’m really gonna miss you

      For once, I can be here
      Not thinking about where we’re going
      I’ll just lay in your big warm bed
      And laugh at your jokes
      And take comfort in not knowing
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Music Songs

Garfunkel and Oates first EP. Released on January 1, 2009.
    • 1
    • Pregnant Women are Smug
    • 2:17
    • 2
    • I Would Never (Have Sex with You)
    • 2:17
    • 3
    • Me, You and Steve
    • 1:57
    • 4
    • Fuck You
    • 2:17
    • 5
    • Only You
    • 1:52
    • 6
    • One Night Stand
    • 4:00
    • 7
    • Silver Lining
    • 2:09
    • 8
    • As You Are
    • 2:21